


Speedway

by LillilX



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, The Maze Runner RPF, dylmas
Genre: Bisexuality, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fanfiction, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, London/LA, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Original Character(s), Outing, RPS - Freeform, Sad Dylan, Sexual Content, Unhealthy Relationships, Unresolved Emotional Tension, closeting, sad Thomas, sex with strangers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 07:56:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5908948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LillilX/pseuds/LillilX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas and Dylan try to figure things out and everything gets too hard.</p><p>Third part of my Dylmas works <3</p>
            </blockquote>





	Speedway

 

The time has come and he can’t wait any longer. Fortunately for him, Bella’s decided to have a girls night out and he’s all alone in their brand new flat. They’ve been living together for five days and Thomas is already suffocated and the fact that he’s about to _skype_ Dylan and tell him about his new living arrangement bothers him. It doesn’t help that Dylan’s been acting weird lately or that their long distance relationship’s so stressful. They’re together, not by word but because they can’t end whatever they have, and they’re not together at the same time. Dylan’s in L.A., he’s in London, living with his girlfriend and things are getting too serious, too quickly, she even talked about a baby last night…

But Dylan’s there. His hair’s wet and he’s not wearing a shirt, he looks tired and yet amazing. His skin is sun-kissed and his eyes heavy lidded; he’s been working and partying a lot. Thomas smiles and Dylan smiles back, letting out a soft sort of laugh, as he rubs his left eye. Thomas wants to tell him right away but instead he takes his own shirt off to match but Dylan’s definitely not in the mood although he laughs. It sends an alarm to Thomas’ head: Dylan’s always on the mood for some cyber loving.

-How’s it goin’? You’re early, I just got out of the shower.

Thomas smiles fondly, trying to keep things clean and to stop thinking about telling him the truth. He tries to relax and fails.

-Sorry, I just really wanted to talk to you –he says and Dylan’s smiling big but he still looks exhausted- You’re been partying a lot, haven’t you?

-Yeah, kinda –Dylan laughs, a little distracted.

Now Thomas knows something’s wrong.

-Are you feeling too tired? We can talk tomorrow or ‘til next week if you want –he offers, trying to escape from it but then Dylan’s eyes are fixated in the camera, looking right at him.

_He knows._

-Dyl…?

-I wish you had told me, that’s all –the brunette says, calmly even when his eyes are dark and his voice low- I mean, I thought we…

-I just didn’t know how to tell you –Thomas speaks out, trying to swallow the tight knob in his throat- I thought you wouldn’t understand…

-Understand what, man? –Dylan asks, pissed off now- The only thing that’s clear to me now is that everything’s exactly the way it was before. You’ve got your life and I gotta move on with mine, right? I was stupid to think… –he laughs and it’s bitter- In thirty years we’ll have grandchildren and we’re still gonna meet to fuck once in a while and that’s all. Sweet! Isn’t it a great story? Imma be uncle Dylan, _the one who fucks grandaddy_ …

Thomas doesn’t know what to say. He wishes he could give Dylan what he wants but still the idea feels childish, ingenuous. They can’t do that, they can’t end their lives there and start new ones, it’s not possible, he’s incapable. Dylan’s eyes are lost again and he looks sad. Thomas wants to fix it but he can’t back off, he’s already living there! And Bella’s so happy about it… He knows he can’t give Dylan what he needs and deserves but he can’t let him go either. _He loves him_. _He needs him. He’s lost without him._

-I love you.

And Dylan smiles, sad.

-I’m sorry, Dylan.

And Dylan ends the call.

 

The next days are tough. Dylan hasn’t called back and he, cowardly, can’t do it instead. A week passes in a rush and by Saturday he’s starting to feel upset but it’s until Monday when he can’t keep ignoring the problem. There’s this big, non-stopping hammering sound in his head; he first thinks is stress but then he just knows it’s guilt and also longing, he misses him. He feels bad without talking to Dylan, knowing things are not ok and it doesn’t matter how hard he tries to stop his feelings, he can’t sleep it off. The hammering sound increases and by the next weekend he can’t stand it anymore, and that leads to a fight with Bella. They argue about something stupid and he ends up running away to his mum’s.

 _They were not ready. He’s not ready_.

But he can’t call Dylan, even when he really wants to, mostly because he doesn’t know what to say to him. He’s pretty aware of the damage he’s done by not telling him that he was moving in with his girlfriend but he didn’t expect Dylan to be that upset. There’s this tiny voice inside his head that tells him _what a swine he is_ , because being honest with himself, he’s been a little shit with both boyfriend and girlfriend. But, _we’re not boyfriends,_ says the voice, almost in a whisper. Yes, it’s a major word that he’s not sure about but then again, he’s not thinking about what Dylan might think about it. Because yes, again, maybe for him it’s not like that but for the American…

 _“I thought we…”_ he’d said, so disappointed.

Thomas is starting to feel really confused. He doesn’t know if he and Dylan are boyfriends or fuck buddies, he doesn’t know how to call him when he thinks about him but at the end it doesn’t matter at all. What matters is the sweet nothings they drunkenly text each other and the smiles in their faces when they get to talk face to face. What really matters is the burning feeling inside his chest whenever he hears Dylan’s voice, a feeling that now he knows, he’ll never get with Bella. There are tears in his eyes when his mother asks him about it but he refuses to talk his feelings this time, he can’t; he can’t tell her he’s made the biggest mistake of his life and that he doesn’t know how to back off.

_You can’t back off, you can’t do that. She loves you, you love her. You’re perfect for each other, everybody knows that. Everybody says so._

And then he’s back again, sharing a bed and having breakfast in bed with her. He’s got an early call, so he’s eating as fast as he can while she gets dressed after taking a shower. He’s trying not to think too much about things, even when he’s made up his mind about calling Dylan after work, but then he realizes Dylan’s name is on Bella’s lips and she’s looking right at him, puzzled.

-Sorry, what? –he asks and she laughs a little.

-That you didn’t tell me that they’re back together –she answers, brushing his long hair. Thomas’ heart skips a beat.

-What?

Bella stops smiling and now seems confused, so Thomas fakes a smile even when his heart’s racing and the hammering sound’s making his head ache.

-Dylan and Britt. I heard someone talking about it last night –she says, moving on to put on her shoes- You didn’t tell me.

Thomas doesn’t know what to think but he knows he can’t break right there, in front of Bella. He didn’t know how relieved he was of not having Britt in the picture anymore but in this moment it’s obvious. Jealousy kicks in, leaving him angered and flustered, and all he wants to do is to scream as loud as he can but it’s impossible. He shakes his head and bites the toast in his hand, trying to deceive her.

-I didn’t know –he says, leaving breakfast because he could puke. He stands up-. I didn’t… He didn’t tell me.

-Oh –she frowns- But I thought you two talked a lot…

-We haven’t in a couple of weeks –Thomas replies, getting his stuff to jump into the shower. He feels numb and so angry he’s sure it’s noticeable.

-Are you ok? –Bella questions.

-Yeah –he answers, getting into the bathroom and closing the door.

 

He doesn’t look into it. He knows maybe he’s being melodramatic, because the press makes stuff up all the time or maybe Bella’s wrong but he fears it’s just the truth. It makes sense: Dylan must be mad and Thomas knows how much he loves Britt, how much she comforts him. It’s only logical that he’s back with her; they haven’t talked about it but there’s still the possibility, right? Dylan’s “single” and angry at him, and Thomas is a bloody idiot who cannot accept his true nature… He stops himself from looking into it but at the end of the day, he can’t restrain himself anymore. Luckily, Bella’s still having dinner with her family when he arrives home and desperately searches for Dylan info on the internet while he smokes his tenth cigarette of the day.

And there it is. Dylan and Britt leaving a restaurant, looking really giggly and holding hands. Thomas feels his heart almost stopping. Dylan looks so happy, so relaxed, grabbing his ex’s hand and then kissing her on the lips on the second picture. Photos are a little blurry but there’s no doubt about it: They’re bloody kissing with tongues, their bodies closer and Dylan’s gorgeous hands are around her waist. _He can’t do it_. He erases the browser’s history because he’s supposed to be Dylan’s fucking friend, why would he search for this kind of thing online instead of just asking him? He’s so nauseous he actually vomits and when Bella comes home, he pretends he’s already sleeping. 

 

The next day he calls Dylan. It’s windy and rainy, and since he had recorded his last lines, he’s home by lunch time. He doesn’t know what he’s going to say. He knows that it’s so laughable to be angry, so he tries to push it off his system but he can’t. The phone’s ringing and Dylan’s not picking up, so he smokes harder and he doesn’t even care he’s in the bedroom, he doesn’t care about Bella being a pain in the ass about it either. He hangs up, waits a couple of minutes while he lights another cigarette and then tries once more. This time, Dylan picks up and Thomas is so upset he can’t even talk.

- _Hello? Thomas?_ –there’s music and people chatting and laughing. He must be at a party-. _Hey! Thomas!_

-Why didn’t you tell me? –Thomas says finally, his hands are shaking just as his voice.

Dylan doesn’t say anything for a moment and then laughs, uncomfortable.

- _Uh… I don’t know, we haven’t talked in a while_ –he claims. The music’s fading off and Thomas shuts his eyes close, trying not to cry. This is probably the worst headache of his life-. _I don’t know, for the same reason you didn’t tell me you were moving in with Bella, I guess?_

-Is this payback? –Thomas questioned- Are you punishing me for what I’ve done?

Dylan laughs a little, sad and confused.

- _Are you drunk?_

-No, I’m not! –Thomas shouts- Answer me!

- _No, it’s not that, man_ –Dylan declares, not laughing anymore _\- I don’t understand what you want, to be honest. You are living with your girlfriend, that’s pretty serious shit if you ask me…_

-But…

- _So I thought I should move on too, I told you so. What did you expect, dude? You wanted me to stay a bachelor forever? You wanted me to keep waiting for you while you marry her? While you have children and stuff? This is not real, this was never real…_ -he stops and sighs deeply _\- I’m hammered right now…_

Thomas realizes he’s crying and he covers his mouth and nose to stop the sobs are starting to come out. He panics, because it’s not a natural reaction in him but maybe he just didn’t know how much he cared, how much it stings. He wants Dylan just as Dylan wants him but it’s difficult to acknowledge, he doesn’t know why. He stops the sobs and Dylan’s quiet on the other side, maybe waiting for him to say something.

-What do you want? –Thomas asks, softly and Dylan clears his throat.

- _You know what I want_ –he says, serious- _I want something that you can’t give me and I’m tired of this bullshit…_ -the harsh tone makes Thomas’ eyes leak again but he stops it immediately- _You can’t be mad about this, Thomas_ –he laughs again- _What the fuck? You’re living with your girl and you’re angry about me going out with Britt? Are you serious?_

Thomas doesn’t know what to say, so he stays in silence and until Dylan speaks again.

- _It’s just too much…_

-You wanna break up? –Thomas asks and Dylan gets quiet again.

 _-No. Not really_ –he claims- _Well, we’re not even together, not properly, so…_

The silence sets in and anyone seems to be able to break it. Thomas dries his face with his shirt’s sleeve and then closes his eyes again, regaining his lost confidence. He’s broken inside, so confused and jaded but he doesn’t want to give up that easily on Dylan. He’s scared to death of hearing him so tired of him, of their relationship but he just needs some more time to figure things out.

- _We should meet_ –Dylan says and the music and voices are coming back- _Like, really soon, man._

-Indeed –Thomas answers and sighs- Talk to you soon, ok?

- _Sure thing._

-I love you.

- _You too, babe._

When he hangs up he knows something’s wrong but once he realizes what it is exactly, he can’t move. It’s the smell of her perfume and her hair; she smells of flowers and fresh soap and the thought of what’s about to happen makes him shiver. He slowly turns around and Bella, his beloved doe-eyed girlfriend is at the door, looking at him like he’s a monster, with tears already streaming down her pretty face.

-Thomas? –she asks with a tiny whisper, her hands shaking and his skin paler than usual.

-I’m so sorry –it’s the only thing that he can say.


End file.
